All of my life I have been taught to make choices. What college should I go to? Who should I play with? What should I eat? What should I read? Where should I go? Everyday holds a million choices to pontificate.
However, there is one crucial choice that I am only just beginning to grasp.
It is the choice to see.
I have grown up, for much of my life, in white suburbia. I have seen the houses my friends live in and the private school we all attended. There are buildings everywhere, a mall just fifteen minutes away, restaurants galore and shopping centers on every corner. There are very few homeless people roaming Temecula.
I have seen the upper middle class, and that is what I know. The issues and problems of the upper-middle class are all I have been exposed to and while I have learned about the poor, homeless, and destitute in school and the news, those "others" always seemed far away--in another land and maybe even another time.
I have been forced, recently, to choose to look outside of myself and my world--college will do that to you, reading will do that to you. And what I have found astonishes me.
I am naturally fascinated with people's stories. But stories of people less fortunate who live in shacks or shelters, stories of kids playing on the streets near crack houses and in abusive homes, these stories go beyond fascination to down right anger, sorrow, and sadness.
Stories of men and women being deported when they have grown up right here in Califronia their whole lives makes me wonder at the safe little life I live and it makes me want to help in some way--any way.
My family has become close with our cleaning lady over the past couple of years. Liz arrived here with very little English, but has gradually picked it up and she is doing wonderfully; her little boy Carlitos plays with us and helps his mother clean-he is absolutely adorable.
But Liz's husband, Carlos, who came to the U.S. when his country was in the middle of a civil war, was accepted with open arms, and has made the U.S. his home for the past twenty plus years, is being forced to go to court because of the recent deportation laws. If the court decides to deport him, he will be taken directly from court to a boat and won't even have the opportunity to say goodbye to his family.
What is our country coming too that we not only do not take care of our own citizens in the city slums--those who are living in boxes and in shacks, but also those that, just like our forefathers, came to us from other countries and lands out of desperation and in hope of finding a new life? What is this nation going to do about the thousands of people who aren't being protected the way that they should?
But like me, so many of us choose what we want to see in this life, and it is hard waking those around us up from a deep sleep of ignorance.
It is my mission to wake the sleeping giants of this world so that we may all have eyes to see. May I never forget to keep looking, writing, praying and doing everything I can for my neighbor.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Monday, December 3, 2007
No matter what...there will always be someone worse off than me.
I have shingles!
Yes it's known as an old person disease.
Yes you get it from too much stress.
Yes it lasts anywhere from 2-4 weeks.
It's the week before finals. I had just two more weeks and I was home free. I am now in a world of pain and stuck with papers, projects, and finals to study for. I am at the point where I just want to give up, but I won't because my grades and transcripts mean too much to me (it's ridiculous I know).
But regardless of the fact that I am struggling through these final weeks of school let's look further into the future at my favorite time of year, Christmas time.
Christmas time is amazing because of the cookies and friends and carols and relaxation and kisses under the misseltoe. My Christmas time will be without kisses, without late nights of fun with friends, and without relaxation because I will still be trying to recover from my disease.
It is all just so sad to me.
The one bright spot in the holidays that I am looking forward to is being able to talk face to face with my best friend for the first time in four months.
I am sorry if I am a downer and depressing everyone, but this is what I feel. I can't escape it and I refuse to pretend everything is okay just so I can write a happy blog.
But what is really sad is among this misery of mine I am reminded for the first time in months of the misery of others. I am forced to think, "Oh my gosh, what if this was my life all year round?" or "What if I didn't even have a home to go home to and I was this sick?"
It's amazing to me how caught up I get in everything that I am doing and how great I feel when things are good in my life. It's like if things are good for me the whole world must be doing great, and it's not until I'm miserable that I finally have compassion for all of the thousands of others who are miserable too.
My head is pounding through my skull, my eyes are swollen (half from crying and half from the pain), my arm and chest are killing me, and my stomach is nauseated. I have a ten page paper to write tonight and so I must go, but I leave you with this thought: "Whatever you are going through, think of someone who has it worse and pray for them."
Yes it's known as an old person disease.
Yes you get it from too much stress.
Yes it lasts anywhere from 2-4 weeks.
It's the week before finals. I had just two more weeks and I was home free. I am now in a world of pain and stuck with papers, projects, and finals to study for. I am at the point where I just want to give up, but I won't because my grades and transcripts mean too much to me (it's ridiculous I know).
But regardless of the fact that I am struggling through these final weeks of school let's look further into the future at my favorite time of year, Christmas time.
Christmas time is amazing because of the cookies and friends and carols and relaxation and kisses under the misseltoe. My Christmas time will be without kisses, without late nights of fun with friends, and without relaxation because I will still be trying to recover from my disease.
It is all just so sad to me.
The one bright spot in the holidays that I am looking forward to is being able to talk face to face with my best friend for the first time in four months.
I am sorry if I am a downer and depressing everyone, but this is what I feel. I can't escape it and I refuse to pretend everything is okay just so I can write a happy blog.
But what is really sad is among this misery of mine I am reminded for the first time in months of the misery of others. I am forced to think, "Oh my gosh, what if this was my life all year round?" or "What if I didn't even have a home to go home to and I was this sick?"
It's amazing to me how caught up I get in everything that I am doing and how great I feel when things are good in my life. It's like if things are good for me the whole world must be doing great, and it's not until I'm miserable that I finally have compassion for all of the thousands of others who are miserable too.
My head is pounding through my skull, my eyes are swollen (half from crying and half from the pain), my arm and chest are killing me, and my stomach is nauseated. I have a ten page paper to write tonight and so I must go, but I leave you with this thought: "Whatever you are going through, think of someone who has it worse and pray for them."
Saturday, December 1, 2007
No matter what...on campus is for homework, classwork, and daydreaming?
APU is a quiet place at night. There aren’t many people who venture out of their apartments to go on campus unless they have a paper to write or research to do in the library.
Most would rather stay as far as possible from the place where they work and that is what campus often reminds us of –work. Either the work we do in the classrooms on campus or the homework we need to do for those classes—all of which is work that we are quick to put off and ignore for more exciting things off campus.
Being on campus, we are reminded of the endless mind-numbing homework due the following day or week. So unless we are freshmen or actually doing work at the library, most of us APUians don’t venture back onto campus late at night (after classes).
However, there are always those nights when homework calls out, and, no matter how hard we try, there is no silencing that nagging voice. We have to do homework. It is due the next day, and while we could stay up all night or get up at the crack of dawn to complete it, we know that the prospect of sleep is far more appealing.
But it is on these evenings when we do venture out of our comfortable apartments and back onto campus that we are witnesses to the community life of that wacky group of people known as freshmen. The freshmens’ attempt to create friendships that first year combined with a sudden immense amount of freedom creates awkward and hilarious situations that every upper classman loves to see.
I was privy to one of these situations one night as I sat studying outside the library, sipping my hot tea, and eating my lemon turnover. I was attempting to get some of my work done, but more easily daydreaming about the upcoming weekend when some voices came to my attention.
“Would you like a ride?” He said laughing with another freshman.
“No thank you,” said a woman, as she and her friends returned the giggle.
I turned around in my seat to see what all of the commotion was and there I saw them. I almost laughed out loud myself. A freshman male stood before me, holding on to an obviously stolen grocery store shopping cart. His female companion, also a freshman, sat inside, a true Vanna White displaying, in all her glory, the fun of riding a shopping cart to and from the dormitories. Together the pair called out to strangers, “where are you going” and “we’ll take you wherever you want, come on, it’s better than walking.”
Eventually the two found a couple of random women who decided to take the silly duo up on their offer and get a ride back to their dorms. Once all three women were settled, very uncomfortably, and the man was deemed as the “pusher” they were off, although rather slower than they had all imagined.
Every now and then I think back on that night when I was interrupted from my procrastination, and I wonder whatever happened to the two shopping cart thieves and their victims. When I go back there to study, I find myself daydreaming that they all became friends and lived happily-ever-after to give rides forevermore to strangers that come by for coffee or upperclassmen who return to campus to do research papers, and I smile.
I think to myself, maybe I should come here more often. Maybe, by being off campus, we upperclassmen are missing out on something—some of that hilarity that made life as a freshman so exciting. But then I always see those classrooms in the background of that perfect picture, and the homework that I am reminded of erases any such thoughts from my mind ,and all I can think is, “I have to get off campus.”
Most would rather stay as far as possible from the place where they work and that is what campus often reminds us of –work. Either the work we do in the classrooms on campus or the homework we need to do for those classes—all of which is work that we are quick to put off and ignore for more exciting things off campus.
Being on campus, we are reminded of the endless mind-numbing homework due the following day or week. So unless we are freshmen or actually doing work at the library, most of us APUians don’t venture back onto campus late at night (after classes).
However, there are always those nights when homework calls out, and, no matter how hard we try, there is no silencing that nagging voice. We have to do homework. It is due the next day, and while we could stay up all night or get up at the crack of dawn to complete it, we know that the prospect of sleep is far more appealing.
But it is on these evenings when we do venture out of our comfortable apartments and back onto campus that we are witnesses to the community life of that wacky group of people known as freshmen. The freshmens’ attempt to create friendships that first year combined with a sudden immense amount of freedom creates awkward and hilarious situations that every upper classman loves to see.
I was privy to one of these situations one night as I sat studying outside the library, sipping my hot tea, and eating my lemon turnover. I was attempting to get some of my work done, but more easily daydreaming about the upcoming weekend when some voices came to my attention.
“Would you like a ride?” He said laughing with another freshman.
“No thank you,” said a woman, as she and her friends returned the giggle.
I turned around in my seat to see what all of the commotion was and there I saw them. I almost laughed out loud myself. A freshman male stood before me, holding on to an obviously stolen grocery store shopping cart. His female companion, also a freshman, sat inside, a true Vanna White displaying, in all her glory, the fun of riding a shopping cart to and from the dormitories. Together the pair called out to strangers, “where are you going” and “we’ll take you wherever you want, come on, it’s better than walking.”
Eventually the two found a couple of random women who decided to take the silly duo up on their offer and get a ride back to their dorms. Once all three women were settled, very uncomfortably, and the man was deemed as the “pusher” they were off, although rather slower than they had all imagined.
Every now and then I think back on that night when I was interrupted from my procrastination, and I wonder whatever happened to the two shopping cart thieves and their victims. When I go back there to study, I find myself daydreaming that they all became friends and lived happily-ever-after to give rides forevermore to strangers that come by for coffee or upperclassmen who return to campus to do research papers, and I smile.
I think to myself, maybe I should come here more often. Maybe, by being off campus, we upperclassmen are missing out on something—some of that hilarity that made life as a freshman so exciting. But then I always see those classrooms in the background of that perfect picture, and the homework that I am reminded of erases any such thoughts from my mind ,and all I can think is, “I have to get off campus.”
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